Sunday, August 14, 2011

It won't always be this way

Note: I wrote most of this post last week while I was working through some work frustrations and general dissatisfaction with current events, but thought it ended up a little too sappy for the public. But I changed my mind. I feel like most people that read my blog can probably relate, so I clicked publish today.

Sometimes I find myself longing for the future. This magical time that I've built up in my head that is going to be so awesome and happy.

Sometimes this is when I'm sitting at my desk at work for the 9th hour that day, staring at a computer screen and silently screaming at the e-mails pouring in: "I DON'T care about your problems; I have a graduation to help plan! And phone calls to answer...and degrees to post..."

Sometimes I get a little tense.

And then I comfort myself with the phrase  "It won't always be this way."

There is no trash receptacle in front of our apartment building. For some reason they skipped our  building. We have to walk quite a ways to get to one. Taking the trash out is Cory's designated chore, and he doesn't relish the long solitary journey. When our trash bag reaches its limit he alluringly calls out: "Want to go for a walk?" So, I put on my pants and he holds me in one hand and a stinky bag of garbage in the other and we take a walk. To the dumpster.  And then I even recycle sometimes.

And I get a little wistful when I realize it won't always be this way.

Sometimes I go to bed at 10:30 PM, and sleep for 8 hours straight. No interruptions. Just me and my pillow. Doing what we do best. All night long.

And I get very, very nervous when I realize that it won't always be this way.

When we drive down the road together, Cory likes to hold my hand. He sneaks his over to my lap, and gets frustrated when I'm holding anything "in his spot." So I put down whatever I'm holding (unless its breakable. then he just has to suck it up and deal.) and hold his sweet, sweet hand.

And I hope it will always be this way.

Cory's noticed something about me. Its a huge character flaw, really. I'm always, and I mean ALWAYS dreaming and scheming of what I want to do next. I show him pictures of shelves we can build, the garden we can plant, clothes I want to buy, places I want to travel, and crafts I want to do with the money we don't really have.

"Lindy," he says,"Why can't you be happy with what you already have?"

It's a problem. I've acknowledged it and I'm working on it.

I blame fabulous blogs and Pinterest. Enablers!

Also, I must say, we both acknowledge that generally I'm very easy to please--just give me some garbage and really, I'm happy. Thrilled even.

But nevertheless, I accept the challenge you didn't know you issued, Cory. I will be happy with what I have.  I will make do.

(Starting right after you put up those shelves over my desk.)

 I'll probably still be scheming, dreaming, and have a million little projects around.   But, I will allow myself to just enjoy this stage for what it is.

This blissfully quiet, and relatively responsibility free time. We're working towards our goals--graduating debt free, saving for a Europe trip, our very own house someday, a new car (oh to dream), and maybe even a baby or two (or three or five) down the road.

Take the time we have now to work on ourselves, our habits, and our relationship.

Because it won't always be this way.


Holly said...

Lindy, you are a beautiful writer! :) And yes, life will change before you know it! In fact, shortly after my one year anniversary is when we found out we were having a baby...and life hasn't stopped since! So be careful what you wish for! ;) Love you girl!

Alicia said...

LINDY! It's hereditary! Have you seen grandma and Aunt Lil? Conner actually DROVE a truck into Aunt Lil's bedroom wall, and after lightly scolding him, she happily set to redoing the whole thing exactly how she wanted. Project queens! It's in our blood. I think we're an entire tribe of worker ants! I just love you.

freya said...

oh well said lindy! i'm feeling the exact same way!